Life can be very
hard, it can be complicated. Even just
normal day to day living can cause stress and problems in just existing. Then on top of that there are the
expectations that we set on ourselves and others. Expectations are very, very
dangerous. I learned years ago not to
have expectations of certain people in my life, to let the bar sit low so that
I am protected and my feelings are saved. It seems harsh to my own heart to say
that, to not have expectations but experience is the best teacher. What that
really means is that I have so little feelings about the situation that I don't
get emotionally invested. Again, self preservation at it's finest.
This works for me, I
know who I can count on and who I need to just let go of, just go with the
flow. What worries me about some people
I know are the devastating consequences that they wreak by unrealistic and unspoken
expectations of everyone and everything around them. This is the gotcha, someone has a huge
picture in their head of how a day will go or a situation and they don’t share
what that should look like so they are crushed by the outcome. This outcome
that couldn’t possibly ever meet the picture they have in their head and worse
they didn't tell anyone about it so there's no way anyone could have ever acted
the way they expected. Confused? I was
too but it suddenly was clear, these hidden expectations were ruining a
day-interfering with relationships. That's what made me look so closely at my
own heart when it comes to expectation.
I expect when people
tell me that they want things to be different with a partner, a job or
themselves that they are going to do the work necessary to follow through with
it. It's been six months since my heart
was broken and I can already feel the pieces fused back together, I know I am
stronger and well on the road back to myself.
What does this have to do with expectation? My ex talked a big game
about promotions at work and wanting to go further and do new things, but at
the end of the day he never changed anything to make that happen. He talked a lot about trying a new career and
moving to Omaha to be with me. He talked
about a lot of things, but there was never any change. As I get further and further from him I am
realizing that he did me a favor. I had
expectations of him, mostly that he'd work towards his dreams and not just give
them lip service. Even if he'd come here I think he was always going to be the
guy who wanted to do things, and never the guy who did things. And that makes me sad for him and relived for
me. I want someone who wants to reach for more, like I do.
Please, please, for
the sake of relationships and your own heart, when you have expectations of
someone or yourself, then please tell them.
When someone doesn't meet your expectation, have you told them what you
wanted? This becomes especially timely
to me on Valentine's day. Right now there is a couple fighting or someone is
angry because they didn’t get the gift or didn't get treated as they expected
today. Too often these people said don't
make a fuss for Valentine's day or don't get me anything. Their poor partner
believed them and chaos ensued.
I have some high
expectations for myself and this year.
And so far I've managed to keep my word to myself. I go to bed half the nights sore and
exhausted. I am eating to treat my body
the way it deserves and not just what's easiest and fastest. And unlike some other people I am speaking
these intentions loud and proud. This is
what I expect from me.
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