Fear of Running

As somewhere north of a petite flower and closer to a strong German girl, I have a fear of running.  It's all the huffing and puffing, the boredom of are we done yet and finally all the stuff that moves enthusiastically when I'd prefer it doesn't.  It's the constant monologue in my head that I'm not doing it right, that I'm running too slow, that there must be a better way.  Then my thoughts turn to the other people in the room who I'm sure are judging me for my lack of running style.  I'm sure that the dude in the back of the weight room lifting and grunting is watching me and horrified at my lumbering "run." Or the twenty something girl on the elliptical talking on the phone without breaking a sweat who I'm sure is using me as a cautionary tale against cake.

But then something magic happens, I look past the city lights in the darkness and I can see my reflection in the window.  First I notice and admire the way my pony tail swings back and forth in time brushing my neck.  My slow run is steady and even.  I pause in my constant criticism and admire the fact that I'm moving, I am moving. I watch as my shoulders ease down from my ears and relax.  I am running my race and if I can get out of my head I may just win or at least medal.

Investing in my 80's

I decided to run a 1/2 marathon this year.  Talking to my book club buddies I realized that what I'm doing is investing in my 80's.  Every step I slowly jog today is an investment in being one of those sassy old ladies who still tool around the mall in their jogging suits.

It's not easy, it's only day 2.  I have apps on my phone to help and am trying to keep it interesting to me.  The ap I used today was 10k runner.  This times out the run, and like so many others gives queues to run and when to walk.  Now the walking wasn't bad, that I like.  It's the running I don't like.  Too much moves, too much shakes and it takes too long for it to stop when I finish running.

But that's just today, metaphorically.  Tomorrow is actually a yoga day so no jiggling, but in the greater picture the next time I run, I know I can do a minute of anything, I will have less of me to move and never again will I run on January 14, 2014.  Today is gone, no sense in dwelling on what I may have done better.

Mantra for tomorrow, invest in being 80.  Get Moving!!!