Conceding

There are things each of us do very well in our lives, we manage people, families, projects. We excel at crafts or cooking or driving or organizing peoples lives. We are second to none when it comes to being a healer or fixing cars or making things.  I know that I am a good cook, I am very good at taking care of the people I love. I enjoy working and building teams. I'm pretty good with words and I've loved reconnecting with my inner poet. I love very easily, I laugh very hard and I fail spectacularly.  I work very hard to keep my heart open even when it's been broken.  I am fiercely competitive and I do tell a good story and I love making people laugh.  However, I am horrible when it comes asking anyone for help. 

This weekend I was really sick with a migraine and I contemplated asking someone to take me to urgent care at about 11 in the morning, but stupidly I talked myself out of being that sick until 4pm when I was totally dehydrated and shaky.  Stupidly I waited because I didn't want to be a bother.  And it was stupid, I stayed in pain for 5 hours I didn't need to because of my dumb pride. I met with an executive coach a couple years ago and after a sucker punch from her you'd think I'd be better at asking. I was specifically meeting with her to get help with asking people to help me.  She asked me some questions about helping, why did I enjoy helping people.  And it's easy to answer, I like to be helpful, I like to make people's lives a bit easier. I like to help.  She looked at me straight in the eye and asked why then, if I got so much joy out of helping other people why would I be a martyr and never ask for help?

I sat in stunned silence for more than a minute. I had no defense. It was a fair question and led to more. Do I think I am the only person capable of helping anyone? If I love my family and friends as much as I do and if I'd drop everything to help them no matter what, then why wouldn’t I allow someone to do that for me? Why would I deny the people I love the opportunity to feel like I do when I can be useful to someone I love? So despite my waiting on Saturday to call I am getting better at asking for help.  I'm not great at it, I don't know that I'll ever be able to ask for help quickly.  My fear is that I'd become one of those  people who suck the life out of their friends and are incapable of doing anything on their own. 

I know, I'm a person of extremes.  Not being able to ask my best friend to drive me to urgent care somehow translates to asking everyone around me to do everything for me and losing all my friends.  So I'm conceding, I suck at asking for help and will work on that. I will work on the idea that asking for help won't make me like those soul sucking people who can do nothing for themselves.  So there it is, my Achilles heel or my kryptonite is asking for help, I'll work on it.  What's yours? What is the one thing you can't seem to do that's easier for everyone else?