Flying, Part 2

I was having lunch this week with one of my favorite people and we were talking about how pissed off we are that as smart successful people we keep doing the same thing over and over with food (seeking comfort) instead of the "heathy" things we have learned that are supposed to help us get through.  There are so many great avenues out there, mediation, yoga, journaling, talking to friends, taking a walk, taking a nap, or any of a thousand other things that we've decided are better for us than old habits. 

I've talked about how we are flying without a net and that we have to figure new way to cope.  She said that it's the feeling the feelings that is the problem, we fuss and ponder but we don't quite know how to feel the feelings.  Numbing feels better than being angry or sad or lonely or disappointed.

I sprang out of bed this morning thinking about that very thing when once again my own abandonment and sadness issues crept in, I immediately went running back to sugar. Sugar is my personal enemy because I know it makes me nuts.  I jumped out of bed because I realized that we survived whatever it is we are trying not to feel.  We made it through so why should the feelings for something we already dealt with haunt me, why do I still react or more accurately why do I try and shut down? I am still here, the feelings are an echo that my brain wants to keep because there is temptation to go back to what happened and relive it.  My own personal temptation is to try and keep myself down, the comfort level that keeps me miserable and unhappy because that's what I already know. 

Of course I screwed up that meeting, have a cookie.  Of course he's going to leave me, have ice cream. Of course the pants don't fit, have a cake.  My brain is working against me,  the old me in my brain is trying to stay with what we think we know best.  Which has, lets be honest, been less that stellar thus far. Sure we lived, sure we have had success but what happens if we let go of this self destruction and actually embrace our inner light. The following is from Marianne Willamson and it is hard to read because she is right, playing small does not serve the world, it does not serve our soul, it does not serve each other.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” --Marianne Williamson