Happy New Year!

I love that 2015 is over. I didn't have the most amazingly wonderful year in the world. I had a major depressive episode and took about 4 months to get my anti-depressants worked out and as soon as that was all balanced the man I love dumped me for a woman who spells her name like she's 14. We had been together off and on for years. He had been a major part of my history and I thought was my whole future but I was mistaken and was played for a fool.  So all in all not the best year from this close of a vantage point.  And I accept that, I made choices along the way that led to this conclusion and I own those.  But I already know how much I will have learned when I get some more distance on this year.  And that's all I wanted for the holidays was to get through to January 1 and get to a new year.  I know that once I get distance from 2015 I'm sure it will be a watershed year in my life, the year that triggered changes and so much growth (right now f*$k that though).  But time is kind and softens all the edges. 

I have been thinking a lot the past few days about what I want to do in 2016 and my friend Keith posted an idea I can't stop thinking about (https://theferriswheelblog.wordpress.com), it's about finding a theme for the year instead of specific resolutions, stopping the craziness of making and failing at the same promises over and over. Time magazine lists the top resolutions as: Losing weight, quitting smoking, learn something new, save money and get out of debt.  All the usual suspects are represented.  For example last year I was going to work out more, get healthy and B and I were going to figure out if he was moving to Omaha or I was moving to KC.  None of that really panned out for me.  But what if I change the intention, what if I look at how I want to feel at the end of 2016. Quoting Keith who quoted Trey Hill: To say it another way, theme is the guiding idea that strings together all the choices — success & failure — a character makes and gives them singular, overarching purpose.

A theme is the idea that strings together all the choices.  So looking back at 2015 my theme was so easily hope.  Hope is the one thing that kept me moving forward and kept me going every day. Hope that whatever I was doing would work out, hope that I could figure it out, hope that my relationship would work and when that didn't pan out, and then hope that I could still keep my heart open as I got over him. I'm still working on that, staying open and hoping for real love whenever the universe deems me ready. 

So I keep thinking about 2016 and what I want to see at the end of this year, what do I want my overall theme to be? Mike Dooley (www.tut.com) offered some suggestions too: Adventure, New Experience, Change, Friendship, Love, Giving Back, Creativity and Health.  The one word that keeps resonating in my mind is Peace.  I struggle to put words to what I feel about peace. Is it decluttering? Is it financial security? Is it a long term relationship? Is it letting go of the past? I found a quote from Marcus Aurelius "He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the world." I think that's as close to what I want to feel as I can get, living in harmony with myself.  This translates into honoring myself with who I know I want to be.  I want to work out hard and honor my body. I want to eat things I can recognize and aren't made up of chemicals. I want to keep writing and sending things out in hopes of being published. I want to participate more in the writing community in Omaha and do readings.  I want to meditate and practice stillness.  I want to honor myself and my time by not participating with people who don't help me in my journey.  

So have you set resolutions? Are you looking at themes? Who do you want to be at the end of 2016?