Countdown to October

I have a wonderful, dear, sweet, beautiful friend who's floored me this week by asking me to be her maid of honor. I'm thrilled and excited and so happy to be involved in helping her with the wedding.  The only daunting thing is the freaking dress.  I don't know the other bridesmaids yet but in my head they are Gisele, Naomi, Claudia and Elle (check your super model knowledge people).  I'm much more in the Melissa McCarthy, Rikki Lake or the fat one from Wilson Phillips genre.  It's daunting and terrifying so I did what any sane and rational person would do this week when she asked me, I immediately made a countdown calendar and started keeping track of the days that I was working out. For the record, as of today there are 251 days to the wedding. Something about this wedding, this time in my life, that I'm taking very seriously-I'm hoping that the forward momentum I have will carry me through.

So far I've worked out 4 days in a row and with the help of a great trainer I’m staying focused.  My trainer, Laura, is inspirational, funny, sweet and so kind.  But she's Canadian and so when I swear at her I feel pretty guilty at how nice she is back at me.  However that doesn't stop me from flipping her off at every chance.  I also had another friend text me about trying a retro aerobics class this morning. I have to tell you that it was a total riot.  Doing the grapevine, the box step, all kinds of moves I remember from the early 90's.  And just like back then I got confused and had to stop and laugh! 

At Laura's request I got on the scale today for the first time in over a year and I was not pleased with the number, but it's just a number-that was the mantra today, just a number.  It's a good way to measure progress I suppose although the thought of getting on a scale again weekly bothers me. We are so ruled by those stupid little numbers.  In my head and heart I keep telling myself that it's only one way to measure progress. I keep saying that muscle weighs more than fat, that the fact that my pants size hasn't changed in two years and frankly are fitting better these days, and ultimately it doesn't make any difference if I weigh 450lbs or 120lbs, I'm still just me. I'm reminded of a meme I saw on Facebook a few years back. 

This is the vital part of the message, who I am has nothing to do with what I look like. I was reminded of that today by my sweet brother Bob. I mentioned some of my concerns to him about the maid of honor thing and he was lightning fast to remind me that no matter what I am beloved. I want to share this message with all, it is only a number, it isn't your self worth and your value of as a person. How and why you are valued as a person is entirely personal to you and who you are.  The idea of someone's value is completely subjective. My friends and family have untold value because they matter to me, but plenty of people don't care at all about the same people-that is only because they don't know them at all.  But that's how value works, what and how do I value things, especially myself.  What an interesting journey we are going to take.

I'm currently reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, PhD, LMSW and I have two ideas for blogs coming up, I highly recommend taking a look, it's a great and thought provoking book.  Book club anyone?