I tell stories therefore I am

I think that's who I am, I'm a story teller.  I was in KC yesterday to pick up my stuff from the Asshat.  I was surprised at how much some of the things he's put in the storage unit stung.  I held it together for a little while and then I didn’t. Thank goodness Mike was there, he is safe and with him I can just fall apart when I need to fall apart.  He also put a letter from me on B's door, although I kinda wish Mike would have been able to say what we talked about-"The least you can do is read this, you owe her at least that." He did take the note and put it on the door for me, I just hope he read it, but that's not up to me, that is up to the universe. 

Colette drove home so I could have some quiet time and figure out what I could do for myself.  So I did what I needed to take care of me, I spent time with the under 6 crowd and just took love from the little people. It was just what Aunt Lollie needed, that and a sleeping pill.  Waking up today it was a brand new day, it was a beautiful day and lots of things to be grateful for.

I took my first watercolor class tonight, what fun!  I need to slow down a bit and realize it's not a race.  Enjoy the moment and just paint! But when I was in Paris (on paper) I realized that I missed telling B the little stories of my day.  The great Emotional Intelligence session I taught, the funny thing that happened in the meeting, how much fun the paint class was and towing a car when I got home.  I miss having someone who really cared about all of the tiny details of my day. I miss hearing those same stories from someone else.  Ok, to be fair he wasn't nearly the best story teller and his industry makes me crazy making news out of nothing but I loved talking to him.

I started to wonder tonight, why do I put so much emphasis on wanting to share the stories, does sharing my stories somehow make me more real? I do see the irony of asking this in a self indulgent blog.  But still, if I don't share the stories do I exist? It occurred to me that for the first time in a very, very long time I am doing things just for me, not to share them but just for me (again I realize saying all of this in a blog is indulgent and violating what I said but whatever).