More Straws

Wandering in the fog has been a lonely but informative journey.  It's funny, loneliness is actually a great comfort at times, it shows me that I want more, I want people in my life and by acknowledging the times when I feel most broken I am closest who I am.  I have leaned on people more in the past six months than I ever have before.  It may not seem like it, especially to some newer friends, but this is the most open I've ever been about the depression.

As the fog is clearing, I'm finding firmer ground to keep moving forward and I can look back with gratitude on some new coping skills.  First and most important I am learning to trust me.  By honoring what I'm truly feeling, I have been able to push for medicine changes that I may not have been so forceful with in the past.  While the process is painful and very drawn out, I know that I can get through it.  

The internet can be your friend if you look carefully.  I found out that sometimes sugar does enhance depression symptoms so I've been mostly off sugar for months.  That doesn't mean I won't have birthday cake or something fun but mostly I have stuck to real foods so there isn't the food guilt I have to deal with.  And going down rabbit holes can be beneficial too. I found several articles on the connection between a lack of Omega 3's and depression. From what I understand it has to do with the way that the cells, starved of Omega 3 fatty acids, don't have the reparative abilities in the brain that they need. As Omega 3's are needed elsewhere I have added those into my daily handful of pills too.  

I have reconnected with my creative life. I found my inner artist. She is a poet and a painter.  I've connected to a writing group and a creativity cluster.  Both of these are showing me once again I don't  have to be one thing, I can be anything I want to be.  This reconnection has lead me to submit poetry to a literary journal in hopes I get published. This time has allowed me to play with watercolors and spend a little time building something and as a bonus my brain turns off just a bit.  

I am blessed to be surrounded by the loving people in my life. I am honored that I can share my journey and, based on the private messages I've gotten, I am humbled to know that what I've shared has helped people. Bravery isn't a lack of fear, bravery is acting despite the fear.  It's reaching out for help when you cannot see a way out. Bravery is asking for help when you need it most. 

I'm still not 100% me right now, I'd say 93% but am feeling so much better. I appreciate everyone's support and am looking so forward to going back to complaining about working out.